80 Mile an Hour Through Villages (and that was alone in the car park)

I heard it on the telly so it must be true I think I might emigrate to Poland, Ive heard there's not many people there. It says it in the paper so it must be true. Fuck off and mind your own business. Todays news tomorrows toilet paper. Shame you can't wipe your arse on a plasma screen ! 80 miles an hour through villages There was smoke coming off the tyres And that was only in the car park I came sideways round the roundabout Ran over 3 sets of traffic lights Ended up half way up an embankment And I couldnt understand why I got banned for 18 months Went across a busy junction at 95, still in second gear Crashed into a speed camera, demolished a bus shelter And got a hundred and seventy five parking tickets. Traffic wardens, bunch of fucking wankers the lot of them. I didnt know there was a sharp bend and a bus coming the other way. I had to swerve to avoid hitting one of those bloody speed ramps. I said of course I'm not over the limit, I've only had 17 pints. I had no brakes, a bent MOT, no licence or insurance. It took the fire brigade 7 hours to cut me out of the wreckage. They had to close the motorway for a whole morning so they could repair the crash barrier. I said Don't worry officer, this is only a commercial. Pity the magistrates didn't believe me

Tags : Junior Analyst